The Fear quietly follows me like a shadow, never leaving and
like the proverbial Boogie Man under the bed, pulls me under the surface of my
own insecurity, suffocating me with imaginary whispers of “I told you so”.
Sometimes at night, when I am trying to go to sleep, this Fear
creeps into my thoughts and prevents me from even closing my eyes. I stare upwards to the ceiling and can feel
it choking me as my thoughts stomp wildly inside my head.
“I didn’t write today…I should be writing something right
now…I should get up….I write best at night, but I’m tired. Tomorrow will be better…I’ll never finish any
of my projects…I will die before I actually become serious about my writing…I
have already wasted so much time…”
I despair over the wasted days, weeks, years and then fervently
promise and plan to start the next day, so that the Fear will go back to its
corner. But, the next day I don’t write
and the Fear charges me again, pushing me back further under, into surrender to
its grip.
I have plenty of excuses, but none of them are valid. They are only lies that I tell myself to
quell the Fear.
“I have no time, I work full time. I’m too stressed…I just want to come home and
relax, not write. My recorded shows are
filling my queue, I need to watch them. Next week looks better.”
The truth stands accusingly before me.
I have time to write.
I have a place to write. I have
talent. I have passion.
What the heck is holding me back?
The Fear may actually be that I won’t write well enough, that
I won’t be able come up with the pieces to fill the frame of my story and
finish it. Maybe the Fear is also that
no one wants to read what I have to say.
I must stand up face to face with the Fear and write
anyway. I must write because it is who I
am. A writer.
2 comments:
Right, Beth. Write on. It is the only that I know of to silence the lies that fear speak. Your voice is needed.
Thank you, Melinda. Looking forward to encouraging one another in our writing!
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