Just when my hair is getting to the length that I can (FINALLY) put it up off of my neck (in time for the hot summer I expect we will have), I have been struck (like lightning) with the idea of going back to the A-line, Posh Spice-ish style I had (and loved) two summers ago.
Say, WHAT??!!!
What the heck is wrong with me?
Really. (I begin to talk to myself)
Take a deep breath and a step back and re-think this.
Count to 10.
Or better yet, I tell myself, count to 1,000.
10,000? 1,000,000?
My next appointment is not for another 3 weeks. I have time to give this serious reconsideration. In reality, I know once I cut it off again, I will only decide to grow it out.
As I posted earlier, I have been writing today. I thought I would share an excerpt:
Her emotions were overflowing. Spilling out.
Keeping it all inside of her was becoming a bigger burden than exposing her emotions.
She was weary. Weary of declining invitations and fighting the dread that accompanied a list of social obligations. Weary of psyching herself up to get through the few she committed herself to.
Exhausted from pushing through every arduous day of work. Pretending she was fine. The smiling face. The fake laugh. It fooled everyone but her.
When she did allow herself to break down and cry to the point of sobbing, thus finding relief, it was but a brief respite before it all built up again. That kind of relief was sweet, but short lived.
I'm not sure what will happen in my character's story. Or what choices my character will make or where her story will take her. Or what will become of her in the end. That is what is so amazing about writing. It is a journey that I will walk with her.
But our weather is changing. it is supposed to be turning cold and windy and damp. According to the weather reports, we are supposed to get a big rain storm this weekend.
When I first heard the forecast, I was disappointed at the prospect of staying inside.
Why? I think the taste of last weekend's warm, flip-flop, sun on my skin weather fooled me into thinking that I could stow my Uggs away in the back of my closet and paint my toenails.
I scowled at the perky weather chick on the TV this morning and muttered outloud to no one in particular. Rain? Really? Great.
But now, I am embracing this weather induced opportunity for some quality down time. Ya know? What perfect excuse to hunker down and snuggle in.
Plus, it's a 3 day weekend for us. A beautiful, extended, lazy weekend. Well, lazy after we hit Costco and the grocery so we convince ourselves that we did accomplish something. Then we can be lazy.
We can build a fire in the fireplace, figure out some comfort food to simmer in the crockpot and I can use the time to let my fingers dance along my keyboard and get some more writing done.
Even though I was completely basking in all that sunshine we were getting, the truth is, I love rainy days. I have shared many times that I am a four-seasons kind of girl. Which of course, is one of the reasons I want to move to beautiful Tennessee.
And now, I have changed gears and I am watching the sky for those heavy gray clouds to roll in. I am ready for the rain. C'mon rain.
Whenever it rains, I always think of this beautiful song and it reminds me how much God loves all of us. Every time I watch this video, I glean something new from it. For me, the messages the photos portray are as deep as the lyrics.
I've been in a writing frenzy tonight. But I wasn't working on my story. Nope. I was working under a deadline for my March article for our community newspaper. I have until the 10th..but that is only 5 days away.
I had an idea rolling around in my head earlier last month, but I had hit some dead ends in my efforts and I was frustrated and let it go, hoping another idea would spark in the meantime.
I was knocked down by some bad headaches for almost two weeks and once I began feeling better, I turned my energy toward my storyline. This weekend, I remembered my deadline. Yikes! Working under pressure seems to help me, but it also sends waves of terror pulsing through me. P-A-N-I-C.
We ran our errands this morning and right after we got home and unloaded and put away what we bought from Costco and our groceries, I turned my focus onto my assignment and soon the ideas were flowing and my panic subsided. I settled into a writing frame of mind.
I finished editing my article late this afternoon, saved the changes and set it aside while we ate dinner. After dinner, I made a few more changes and then, finally satisfied with the content, I emailed it to the editor.
For the past four days, I have been working on a story that I began writing some time ago (it feels like forever ago to me).
It hasn't been easy. I find myself stumbling. Stopping. Distracted. It takes me a while to get back into my characters' heads, personalities and emotions and recall what direction I was going at the time I began writing it.
I am having that problem with Lillia, my character in this story.
I compare this part of my writing to body surfing. When I was a teenager growing up in San Diego, I loved to body surf in the summer at Mission Beach --during my occasional breaks from sunbathing, of course.
How many times did I miss the swell in my attempts to catch that wave that would carry me to shore? And it was frustrating. That is how I feel right now with my writing. I can feel the surge coming and just as I think I am in sync with Lillia and begin riding my wave of creativity...I miss it. It falls flat and I sit there and stare at my screen, willing Lillia to speak to me. Waiting for the proverbial wave.
Once I am in sync, something else happens, it is as if a faucet of ideas has been turned on full force and I can barely keep up with the words and ideas flooding inside my head. Most times, I have to jot down the ideas on a steno pad to preserve them and and continue with what I am typing.
There is a euphoria that comes from that kind of writing. The same high that comes from catching that wave and taking it all the way in.
So right now, I am waiting for the high. And I know it will be worth the wait.
