9.03.2018

RETURN TO PRESENT

I've not written here in much too long.  I have missed telling stories, whether or not they are read by others.  I have missed sharing, making a recorded place marker in my own history.

Though these last days of late summer still beckon me to find cool water to splash in,  my heart is longing for the leaves to change color and drift down to cover my backyard.

I want to find warmth in a bonfire and a glass of red wine.  To wrap myself up in a soft blanket and cover my arms with a fleece hoodie in the glow of that fire.  I am yearning for shorter days and the chill in the night air to chase away the humidity that I am weary to breathe one more day.

This year has passed by too quickly, which seems that is what life brings us as we grow another year older.  We've welcomed a son-in-law and a new grandson this year and were blessed to return for visits with our family in California.  I've grown friendships and deepened my walk with God.  It's been a good year, not without a share of disappointments and sadness too, but I choose to look at all the good in our life.  There is a lot of good.

We are blessed. Bruce began to search for his biological family, early in 2018 and closed the loop meeting his two sisters on his mother's side and, soon we are meeting his brother on his father's side.

We have made a lifestyle change in the way we eat.  I have returned to Bulletproof and Bruce has adopted a Ketogenic diet to improve his health.  Both of these are very similar and he is moving toward 100% Bulletproof with me.  Adding physical exercise has also begun to be a priority for us again.  It feels good to have each other in our team efforts and support each other toward good health. We are feeling and seeing the positive effects of this focused effort. 

I  have made a commitment to invest in daily writing.  I have neglected this part of me for too long (again).  I will make it part of my self-care routine--which I am learning the importance of lately.  I have carved out time for more time with God in the Bible and study and my writing needs to be moved up in my priorities. 

I am reading more this year, since beginning a book club with some friends.  I have discovered that I am picking up other books off my bookshelves too, in addition to my book club read.  That is helping with my writing endeavors too. My ideas are churning again.  I no longer feel creatively stagnant.  I can feel the push to write what is bursting to be told.

So, as I look forward to the season of Fall and search for a hint of her arrival, I will begin to also celebrate this season with gratefulness.  Taking each day and counting the good and savoring each moment for what it brings me.  I will take more pictures and write more stories. I will take care of my soul and nurture my writing and artistic side.

I will not be a void.  I will not be absent.

1.07.2018

EMBRACING MINIMALISM

When I first heard the word minimalism, I imagined a very stark and uninviting way of living.  And even though, at the time, I didn't believe I would ever adopt that lifestyle, I was curious and wanted to learn more.  I began reading and educated myself in the ideas behind it and acknowledged that my life would benefit from a minimalist approach to acquiring things and keeping some of the things I already had.

As I embraced the minimalist's view of "stuff", I began closely looking at the "stuff" in my house and boxes of "stuff" in unopened in my basement, I began to feel uneasy and stifled.  I could feel the heavy presence of the "stuff" that takes residence in closets, cabinets, boxes and tubs and I began to feel claustrophobic and guilty!  There was so much I was not using and others could!  That was very powerful to me.  It made me feel selfish and I never viewed myself as such. 

I know that just about every area of my home can use a purge. 

I did manage to clear out a lot of things when we moved across country, but I brought things with us that I thought "I may use that in VA even though I rarely used it in CA."  And I haven't used a lot of it.  My lifestyle is not that different here than it was there.  So I plan to sell a lot of the items that are still packed carefully away in the basement and begin to clear items that are in my home and that do not bring me JOY.

I have many things that DO bring me joy in my home and they are not going anywhere.   I have a large jar displaying beach rocks that my parents collected on a trip to Europe decades ago.  It reminds adventure and love and makes me happy to see it.  I also have beach rocks, shells and sea glass in a shallow glass bowl that I collected over my lifetime. Beaches in San Diego and San Felipe, Mexico. A photo my dad took of the harbor also hangs nearby.  A pair of metal owl candle holders perch on my fireplace mantle and remind me of a far away best friend. My grandmother's wooden clock stands next to them.  Another fond childhood memory of the ticking and chimes in my grandparent's home and all the goodness and love of time spent with them. 

My office bookshelf is full of many items, that all bring me contentment, and displayed in one central place and it is inspiring to me as I write.  Quilts handmade by my great grandmothers are out where I can see then and remind me of my heritage and hard work to make the life I have.

My kitchen went through a big purge when we moved, as did my wardrobe.  I am still working very hard to continue to eliminate more from my closet and keep things that work well together and are more monochromatic with a few colorful accessories to keep it fresh.  Of course, now that we live in a four season climate, my wardrobe has changed, but the theme is the same.  I can already see the benefits and I feel more put together.  Plus, it takes me less time to figure out my clothes in the morning or for special occasions, now that I have adopted this change in my closet. 

I am ready to clear out the rest of the clutter that has no meaning, and unburden myself of the weight of "stuff".  My minimalist journey has been very liberating so far, and I am looking forward to see what else I will make changes to going forward.




1.05.2018

FEARLESS

A word for the year.  What word will propel me in 2018?  What holds me back from realizing my dreams? I have been struggling with this idea for some time.  I have known what it's been but unable to say it out loud, much less put it on the record, but here it is.

FEAR. The kind that is cloaked in caution and keeps me from taking chances with my talent.  The kind that keeps me static, stopped and stagnant.

Instead, I want to see the flow of words on paper, and feel the energy of ideas streaming and building stories from them.  There is one way to do that.

I will be FEARLESS.  This is my word for 2018. My word.  My actions shall be FEARLESS.

I will leap more. Jump with my eyes open to the possibilities.  I will keep taking steps forward. The hours, days and months that have been wasted with FEAR will, this year, be spent leaping forward into what might be. 

FEARLESS. 

1.01.2018

LIVING IN A MOMENT

On a frigid Virginia morning, standing still, in a moment, I felt the future, present and the past colliding, both joy and pain mixing in my tears as the cold air filled my lungs and I found peace in the crunch of icy snow underneath my boots. 

The bare trees reached to the sky as if begging for spring to return and clothe them in new leaves.  I tilted my head back and closed my eyes breathing in the cleansing air and thanked God for the season.

And at the same time of year, less than two years ago, I was walking along in wet sand on the Coronado shore's edge, listening to the rhythmic crash of waves as the cold salt water raced across the top of my bare feet.  Then, the ocean pulled them back and my feet sunk into the sand with the pull of the tide.

I closed my eyes, inhaled the salty sea air and heard a seagull's cry overhead with another resounding crash of waves behind me.

As I embrace 2018, I will remember both the cleansing of winter and the eternal song of the ocean.