How do I begin to write about losing our dog, Kona, when my heart feels like it has been ripped out of me and I'm so sad that sometimes I feel like I can barely breathe. On the inside, I am wailing. On the outside, I am trying to hold myself together. And as a writer, it's cathartic for me to write about losing her.

I mentioned Kona's tummy issues in a post last month. We began working with our vet to eliminate possible causes, trying medications, diet changes, tests and finally believing we had our answer and still needed a specific diagnosis in order to choose the right medication to manage what we believed was IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease--a manageable illness) we took her to an IMS (internal medical specialist) vet, Dr. Geist for a consultation and endoscopy on Monday morning.

That afternoon, when we returned to pick her up and review the procedure results with him, we learned that our sweet and very sick Kona did not have IBD. Instead, Dr. Geist told us he was certain that she had stomach cancer and the confirming biopsy results would be in by Wednesday or Thursday. The news devastated us and changed our focus.

Kona had cancer.

It made sense now why she would not eat anything and would clamp her jaw shut when I tried to coax her meds down her to help the nausea that consumed her. Why she vomited mucus and foam and was getting thinner by the hour. We knew we could not make her go through another day living like this, so Tuesday night we made the agonizing decision to stop her suffering and let her go.

On Wednesday, we spent time with her, laying on the floor next to her, loving her, talking to her. When we took her in late that afternoon, Dr. Geist confirmed he had the biopsy results and that she indeed did have cancer was the worst possible kind. Carcinoma. It was very bad. As our hearts were breaking, he assured us that we were making the right decision and that we were making it at the right time.

We sat down on the floor together with her and as she took her last breaths and slipped away from us, we gave her rubs behind her ears and told her how much we loved her and what a good dog she was and how deeply loved she was by everyone.

We are so grateful for the kindness, compassion and good care Kona was received from Dr. Geist, Levi and the rest of the VCA staff during the brief time she was their patient.

We are struggling to get through these hard days and weeks ahead of us as we grieve and adjust to life without Kona, but we have peace that our sweet girl will live forever in our memory as the beautiful, loving, smart and funny dog that stole our hearts away as a tiny puppy when she chose us as her Mama and Daddy.

12/16/2005 - 08/22/2012



The good news is that the annoying itching has improved.  Still get it once or twice a day...on my hands and feet...but not taking anything for it and maybe I am just used to it or dealing with it.  I dunno.

I had an awesome day yesterday with our grandson, Ethan.  Mama and Daddy had a date day and he stayed with me.  He took a good nap for me and we strolled around the neighborhood (Memaw got some good exercise and Ethan enjoyed his Memaw talking to him while we walked).

Ethan is a happy boy and such a smiler and I am so blessed!   I had the best day with him and can't wait to spend another day with him. 

I am looking forward to seeing my other three sweeties in September when we meet them at Disneyland. 

This Memaw is a happy camper!  I have four sweet, adorable grandchildren who have me wrapped around their itsy-bitsy fingers.



So I've been absent from blogging. 

We went away for a fun anniversary weekend and I should have already posted pics, but I haven't.  I will, though.

Since we've been home,  I've been dealing with an annoying allergic reaction to an antibiotic I took and finished before we left.  Annoying random itching on my hands and feet...enough to make me want to claw the flesh off of my appendages.  I started taking Benadryl to help with the itching, but then I felt like a zombie, and even though zombies are everywhere right now, it is not something I have ever aspired to be...

so then I was taking caffeine to keep me from feeling so lethargic...(so I could work and carry on normal conversations, you know stuff like that)

It's not been fun.

So not fun.

And here I am, almost two weeks later, still itching.  Not as bad, so I have been able to stop taking Benadryl and then having to alternately dose myself with caffeine.  

Hoping it stops altogether.  Soon.  Like tomorrow...

Or now.

Yeah, now would be awesome.